Eat Something Ewwwy: June

I kinda dropped the ball on my Eat Something Ewwwy Challenge in May. The last you heard from me on the ewwwy front was April, when I relayed the tale of gettin' down on some oxtail soup at an all-night diner in Las Vegas. I managed to try something new in June, however, when I met up with some chickadees for happy hour last month. And I've gotta go ahead and give this particular meal a couple of great big THUMBS UP.

Okay, so maybe you wouldn't classify this meal as "ewwwy" exactly...but you've gotta agree that it's a bit, umm...unconventional.




Looks pretty normal, doesn't it? Well, that's where you'd be wrong, my lovelies. What yer lookin' at right here is The Original's Voodoo Doughnut Burger. It's a Tillamook Cheeseburger and all the fixins nestled inside a glazed doughnut from Voodoo Donuts. It may sound a little oodgey, but believe me - it was delightful. The well-seasoned burger and gooey, melty cheese was a perfect contrast with the sweetness of the doughnut.

And the best thing of all? It was s'posed to be $7.25 on the happy hour menu, but for some reason, the server only charged me $2 for this tasty lil' number. WIN!

First Trip to the 2009 Tuesday Market

Jay and I strolled on down to our local farmers market last week for some dinner and people watching. The dinner - lumpia and pancet noodles from the Filipino shop near our house - was fantastic, and the people watchin'? Fuggedaboudit. My head was practically on a swivel checking out the weirdness that was all around us.

Exhibit 1: The giant inflatable soldier walking down the street, stopping every few steps to hug strangers and pose for photo opps. I swear on everything holy that I had flashbacks to the Stay Puft marshmallow man from Ghostbusters when I saw this guy. Creepy.



Exhibit 2: The use and abuse of mustard products. To be fair, this is my friend Tiffany and I love her to pieces...but I have never seen anyone consume as much mustard in one sitting before. I swear, I thought she'd reached toxic levels of mustardy-ness.



Exhibit 3: This guy. Yup, the one with the balloon hat. This fool was manic. MANIC, I say! He rode into the market on his bike and almost immediately hit a group of people standing on the sidewalk. Then he tucked his bike away and began weeding one of the planting beds along the street. And then he started boogie'n down with the lil' hippie band sitting on the curb. It was fascinating. We simply could not look away!

Tuesday Market = good times indeed

C.A.T. Walk? No thanks, I'm heading to the pool.

Last year the Portland Based Girl Gang (PBGG, natch) did the Cancer Awareness & Treatment walk for the first time. We had a blast making the 5k circuit around downtown Hillsboro, even without our pally Jax. Fortunately, we were able to talk mah mans into joining us for the walk and subsequent parade-watchin'.

Shaz, Dee and I planned to do the walk again this year, but I just haaad to be the party pooper. I mean, I enjoyed the walk, but this year it would be held right smack dab in the middle of a three-day holiday weekend, and I could think of lots of things I'd rather do with my Independence From Work holiday.

But maybe we should have done it, since, as Shaz pointed out to me...we are THE FACE of the event and everything. That's right, that's us right on the cover of the brochure advertising the C.A.T. Walk, powering right out of the starting line at last year's walk. You can totally tell from my balled fists and pursed lips that I'm on a mission, huh?

My coworker B told me today that there were close to 1,000 people at the walk on Saturday, breaking the previous record for participation. That's pretty cool, ain't it?

I think it must have been the brochure. Most definitely.

Cows in the Burbs!

Mah mans and I headed out to the Trader Joe's last night to secure some vittles for the week, but when we prepared to turn out of our lil' suburban development, we saw something odd.

We saw this:

That's right, we saw a couple of bovine young 'uns rollin' down the street right in front of us. I believe our first response was HOLY SH*T! But then, being the faithful blogger-eress-er, whatever...I grabbed my cellie phone and snapped this shot.

Then called the non-emergency dispatch number for the local police.

We followed the moo cows down the street a little bit as I explained to the dispatcher that she might want to get the mounted posse down here right away. I told her that they were headed down to the quad and through the gymnasium - and that somebunny needed to wrangle 'em, STAT. She told me that someone would be arriving in my neighborhood directly.

Meanwhile, we slowly followed the cows as they ambled down the middle of the street towards the construction site for the new middle school a few blocks away. They hung a roscoe into what will one day soon be the front lawn area of the school, but now is simply home to a few errant weeds. A few old timers in a beat up pick-up truck pulled over to the side of the road to keep an eye on them, and with that, we were on our way to discounted organic produce at TJ's!

I emailed the picture around to my coworkers today to demonstrate this interesting crossover between urban and rural areas. Though I live in a tidy lil' suburb with well-tended yards, there's a field just beyond my neighborhood on one side and a cow pasture on another side. We're fringe-dwellers is what we are. My coworkers had some interesting comments...

That's really good for a neighborhood for a couple of reasons. One, it brings nature into the community. Two, it lets people be closer to their food. Plus, if you're feeling squirrelly, hop on and see if you can ride the 8 secs.

Load your shotgun shells with slugs and have lots of steak; you must, however, have room in your freezer!!!

I don't even get that out in my neck of the woods. I thought you lived in civilization!

And my favorite:

Hard to find work these days as a Merrill Lynch bull....

My kid brother graduates!

I spent my actual birthday day down in Corvallis to witness my little brother graduate from Oregon State University. The day kicked off all kinds of rotten, but by the time we managed to ward off sodden-ness from the rainstorm (mist storm, really) and found my mom and her husband in the stands (an entire SECTION away from where they said they were), things started looking up.

Because the people-watchin' was downright fantastic.

First of all, there was a little girl sitting several people down from us that kept staring directly at our little group. I'm not sure whether she was transfixed by Jay, or my sister and the nephew, but it was tripping my sister OUT! And that was entertaining right there. I love how amped up my sis gets about weird kids. I tend to ignore them unless they're making actual sounds, but she just doesn't even like them lookin' at her. I'd wager it's karmic payback for being one of those weird starey kids her ownself back in the day, but she'd never admit to it.

Checkin' out the look-at-me! look-at-me! types was also quite fun as well. I mean, can you seriously tell me that this chickadee wasn't just dying for attention? C'mon now...

But the thing that threatened to make me lose my cool completely was this guy right here. This guy that's wearing his wife/girlfriend/sister's sunglasses and is under the mistaken belief that his soul patch hides his massive underbite:

But that guy wasn't nearly as funny as mah mans, who truly did get me to bust up inappropriately when he borrowed my sister's sunnies to steal that fella's look:

And now for the serious biz - a special note to Jeremy:

Congratulations, little brother. You didn't have it easy (though our sister would argue you had it easier than us - she's a hater that way) but you made it through to graduation.

I'm so proud of the way you worked your way through community college to transfer to OSU, and of your mad radio station management skillz. I can't quite get over how you managed to survive living in a house with what seemed to be 19 other guys, or the fact that you were never overcome by a mold-related illness from that appalling bathroom in the last house you lived in.

I know the next few months might be tough for you, trying to find a job and leaving the college mentality (drink! drink! drink! snooooorrrrre) behind. Know that you can always count on Jay and I for a hot meal and the occasional cash donation for food or gas (plus, I've got a whole case of Ramen in the garage with your name on it).

I can't wait to see what the next chapter of your life brings, and I hope you'll always remember the two pearls of wisdom I offered you right before graduation:

- You're responsible for your own happiness

- Be a class act

I love you bunches, Fer.

Mah Birfdey Celebrayshuns 2009

Because my little brother's graduation fell on my birthday this year, I decided to celebrate a day earlier, using an itinerary remarkably similar to last year's birthday.

My bestie Shaz and I headed out to McMenamin's Edgefield early on Friday morning for spa treatments at Ruby's. The main reason for making the trek a million miles to Edgefield is because of the singular awesomeness of the soaking pool - a soaking pool that is only available to hotel and spa guests.

Following our lovely treatments and before we kicked it in the badass pool...


...we headed over to the Loading Dock Pub by way of the flower garden, where I saw the cutest lil' hummingbird!

At the Loading Dock, Shaz and I had a fantabulous lunch complete with tasty pints of beer (beer! for lunch! on a weekday!) and I had a field day making snarky commentary both in person and on Twitter about this chick and her Kanye West sunglasses. I mean, WTF? Is she from the future?

After lunch we headed back to Ruby's Spa and the soaking pool. But not before I snagged a few sippy containers of Shiraz out of Shaz's trunk. We proceeded to soak up the sun in the lovely salt water of the pool whilst toasting to my birthday, friendship and summer with our wine-filled plastic cups. It was pretty much a magical afternoon.

Once we'd had our fill of soakin', Shaz dropped me off at my sister's house and Faith and I headed out for pedicures at her regular joint. I have to believe that the wine had a lot to do with my reaction once we were seated in the pedi chairs. Because the thing is? I'm pretty sure that pedi massage chair got to third base on my shiz. I felt mildly assaulted, really. There was a whole lot of deep muscle tushie massage that I've never experienced in a nail salon before. And I couldn't help but laugh hysterically. Faith had no idea what was wrong with me.

Once I enjoyed a post-encounter cigarette (I keed, I keed - no smokin' for this girl right here) we rolled back to Faith's place, collected our menfolk and went to dinner at Laurelhurst Market.

Laurelhurst Market had been a convenience store all during the time Faith, her husband Alex and I had grown up in Portland, but it recently reopened as a butcher shop/dining establishment. All four of us got down on some serious steak action and they were all delicious, save for Jay's smoked tri-tip, which was not good. Like, at all. We shared bits of our steak with him, so combined with the sides (so good!), he managed just fine.

Alex and the nephew take a quick five after consuming their dinners (Steak Frites for Alex, bottled formula for the nephew)

All in all, it was a damn good birthday celebration, not the least of which was due to the arrival of my favorite birthday gift this year - the WTF? stamp given to me by one of the Portland Based Girl Gang chicks, Miss Dee. She asked that I not abuse the stamp through overuse at work, but that's just a promise I can't keep...

We *heart* Aqua Net

Time for a little catch-up now...

Jodles' MegaFantastic80sBacheloretteParty was a few weeks back, but as I've been on blog strike (general laziness) I've not been able to update you on the night's shenanigans. And shenanigans there were.

Mels and I met up at Kates' joint a few hours early to pre-func for the big event. And by "pre-func" I mean hair crimping, artful eyeshadow applying and the use and abuse of several bottles of Aqua Net hairspray. We weren't messing around, nosiree. I was initially going for giant, bouncy curls in a half-up side pony configuration (don't act like you don't totally know what I'm talking about), but my hair totally wouldn't cooperate - despite the fact that I'd employed the assistance of two giant curling irons and a year's supply of the Aqua Net. In the end, I decided to go fully crimped. And it was amazing.

We were slammed for time after beautifying ourselves into Ladies of the 80s, so we swung by a Burger King on our way to the initial meet-up point, the home of another one of Jody's friends. For some reason, I had it in my head that we'd use the drive thru, but Kates proclaimed herself unable to eat and drive, so in we went. I'd love to say that we freaked the hell outta the BK staff, but this is Portland after all...there are freaks every-damn-where here. Leave it to the hipsters to steal our look.

After playing what had to have been the coolest board game ever modeled after an actual person that I know (Jody!) the 20 or so of us headed down the road to Good Foot to shake our groove thangs to the Michael Jackson tribute band. Jodles was ready to get-get-get down that night.

We claimed a few tables to the left of the stage (is it still a stage if it's the same level as the rest of the venue? just wondering...), grabbed some drinks and waited for the band to take the stage. During the very first song, I noticed a woman across the way lock eyes on a spot right behind and above my head and make a beeline straight towards me. Turns out, she was utterly enthralled by Kates and her giant leopard-print hairbow. Seriously, I thought she was gonna squeeze poor Kates' head off with the lock she had around her neck. I almost intervened in the sitch, but then P.Y.T. came on, and all bets were off.

I totally dug the bongo-playing lead singer's MJ jacket, but we could not figure out the deal on his Blazer-esque warm up pants. Oh yeah, and his silver lame (that's lam-ayyy, not lame as in stupid - I just can't figure out how to make that lil' en francais symbol thingie) shirt. Rick-diculous!

Also rick-diculous? This chick's baby toe:




For reals. I was traumatized by that toe. It was sooooo small compared to the other toes! What's that about? Did it not get enough nutrition in the womb? Did it suffer a sports injury early in life that led to stunted growth? GAH! Now, I'm not saying I have the most adorable feet myself - in fact, mine are odd little Flintstone feet - but at least I have the good sense to keep them covered up most of the time! I mean, dag. And PS - since when is it a good idea to go barefoot on the skanky all-weather carpet of a dive bar? WHERE WAS THIS GIRL RAISED?

Total highlight of the night? When the band got to Thriller. The place went mad. MAD, I tell you! This fella in front put down his sax to do the creepy Vincent Price rap in the middle of the song and with the assistance of some voice-warpy thingie, he sounded just as scary. He also totally reminded me how terrified I was after seeing the video for Thriller the first time. I mean, like completely-convinced-there-are-zombies-in-the-attic terrified. I had a really overactive imagination as a kid.

Holy crapsticks! She's back! A bunch of us headed outside during the band's break and crazy neck-squeezing, head-popping-off chick accosted Kates once again. Here she is holding forth on Kates' impressive attire of sequined tee and bedazzled denim. Much more attention from this chick and she was on the next train to Stalkersville. I'm just sayin'.

Despite the zombie flashback and Kates' public groping times 2, we had a lovely night and sent our girl Jodles off to become a Missus. Success!

Somebody take away my exclamation key.

And while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and install some kind of password-protected text messaging function on my phone. Because seriously? I have no business texting after midnight. I mean, I'd wager that MOST people have no business texting after midnight (don't you suppose that most of the posts on Texts From Last Night were sent in the wee hours? I totally do.)

So here's the deal...on Friday night, mah mans and I were invited over to our friends Renee & Romo's house for a feast of chicken wings, corn, and lots and lots of cocktails. Whilst we were sitting on the patio, snacking on some appetizers and getting progressively louder and more annoying to the neighbors, we decided to call Shaz to come over and join the funtivities. She showed up a bit later and we tucked into the eats.

The weather was absolutely perfect outside, so our base of operations for the evening was centered on the backyard. When it got chilly, Romo built us a nice lil' fire in the chiminea. There's nothing much better in my book than drinking cocktails outside on a nice day, but when you throw in a fire and the whole staring-vacantly-into-the-flames thing? Well, that just takes the awesome to a whole 'notha level right there.

The next several hours were a bit of a blur, truthfully. I know I talked Renee into busting out the Jack LaLanne power juicer so I could have fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice for an endless number of Salty Dogs. I'm pretty sure I also tried to steal her cat Choco and I can't be certain, but I think Jay may have challenged someone to a wrestling match. Oh, and there were tequila shots. Many tequila shots. I know this because I woke up the next morning with ridiculous Nadia Suleman/Angelina Jolie lips - damn you, salt and limes!

At some point, the three of us chickadees rolled inside to watch a HILARIOUS video according to Renee. I can't really confirm the validity of her proclamation, as I fell asleep almost immediately. I can usually stay up good and late, but put me in a comfortable chair and I'm Narcoleptic Nancy. Out like a light. Gone nigh-nigh and stuff.

I have no idea how long I'd been out when I woke up to find Renee hustlin' around the house and preparing the guest room for Jay and I - but I do know Shaz was nowhere to be found. So apparently, I felt a little textery was in order. The next morning I found this lovely text exchange on my phone:

Me: What the...? You left?!

Shaz: Sorry, it seemed like the party was winding down...also tired.

Me: Whatevs...you're gonna be up for tomorrow, though, right??? [for our girl Jodles' wedding, natch]

Shaz: Hells yeah!

Me: That's what I wanted to hear! We're gonna turn it up!!

Shaz: Looking forward to it!!

Me: F*ck yeah! Do you want to carpool over? I'll totes pick you up. If you want and stuff.

Shaz: That would be super awesome!

Me: No, YOU are super awesome!

Shaz: No, YOU are!

Me: Mutual admiration society, yo! [bonus points for spelling correctly under the influence, right?]

Great giddygods. I'm surprised my exclamation key still WORKS after that. I'm obnoxious. Which is sorta made up for by the fact that I'm totally fun at parties. Just keep me away from the comfy furniture.

My sister is a real comedian

...and pretty much 100% EVIL.

That girl is exactly 20 MONTHS younger than me and yet this is what she gives me on my birthday:

Not only that, but she gives it to me in the middle of our little brother's college graduation party, and there were at least a few of his friends that looked at me a bit sideways, wondering "Could she really be 50? Is there that big an age difference between Jeremy and her?" I wanted to DIE. And then strangle my sister. Fortunately for her, she was holding my nephew. Otherwise, I think she may have would up with cake in her face.

Instead, when she said "C'mon, let's cut that bad boy UP!" I replied "Sorry, getcherself some of that graduation cake - 'cuz this one's going home with me."

Damn straight. She didn't get a bite of that chocolate mousse deliciousness. Evil runs in my family, dontcha know.